Grandma

 Grandma 

January 7, 1925 - October 8, 2013

I've long liked this poem The Dash. 

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

As someone who loved her, I can try to explain what her "little line" was worth to me.  It's going to be rambling and random but totally from the heart.

My Memories with Grandma

Grandma and Grandpa met in the 7th grade and started dating at the end of their senior year of high school.  My Grandpa was in the Pacific for World War II and I remember my Grandma showing me pictures from this time.  Every page was a new picture of her and Grandpa and she told me he was on leave.  By the looks of the pictures he was on leave all the time!!

The first time I met Grandma & Grandpa at 4 days old

Some of my favorite memories with my Grandma are when we'd stay at their house.  They would keep groups of us cousins for 2 nights in the summer.  My "group" was my older sister (and in later years my younger one too) with 3 of the boy cousins around our age.  Grandma always had small boxes of cereal for us to eat (I had one for breakfast the morning of her funeral, in her honor).   We'd to go A&W for kids meals, either the Creamery or Dairy Hut for ice cream, and then BOTH the local parks.  All 2 of them.  Those trips were a lot of fun; being with our Grandparents for 2 whole days.  It was somewhat magical being at Grandma & Grandpa's house in the early morning or late at night since those weren't times we were normally there.

I have a lot of random memories of being with Grandma, that don't fit in any timeline.  I remember spending the night alone at their old house, I don't remember why none of my sisters were with me.  I remember running errands with Grandma back when she still drove (many many years ago).  I got a sucker from the bank.  When us girls spent the night we'd usually get a bubble bath.  They had a bubble bath machine at their old house and a tub with jets at the new one.  Bubble baths there were always so much cooler than at home. 

I remember being at their old farm house right before their move while Grandma showed me the floor plan of the new house with to scale furniture cut out so she could move it around and see how it would fit.  That's something I copied when I tried to rearrange my room growing up, I just never did it as well.

My 1st Communion in the dress my mom wore, made my by Grandma, May 1991

At Grandma's house we'd play games - the Farming Game (which my sister and I always lost since my cousins were actual farmers), Candy Land (I remember stacking the deck when playing with my Grandma around the age of 5 or 6), Masterpiece, a Winnie-the Pooh game, then Trionimos and Five Crowns in recent years.  We played those with them on our second and third to last visits earlier this year.


We'd watch McGee & Me, a taped off the tv stage version of Peter Pan, and Flintstone/Jetson tapes.  I remember always drinking Sprite and eating Sunchips & popcorn puffs at their house.  We'd play croquet in the backyard, ride the tractor and big wheel, and spit watermelon seeds.

Christmas 2001 probably one of the last times every single member of the family was together before her funeral

Christmas at Grandma's has been the Sunday before Christmas for as long as I can remember.  Until last year we'd all cram into the basement and try to all fit in a circle (this stopped working years ago as cousin spouses, fiances, and dates joined in).  It was always at least 90 degrees and you could tell the newbies by who wore a sweater.  Us kids usually ate in the back room which always got loud and we'd sit there talking well past when supper was over.

My Grandparents always came over to watch us when my Mom had a baby.  I especially remember this for my youngest two sisters.  When Erin (#5) was born at 8:20 something at night they rushed us down in our pjs so we could meet her before visiting hours were over.  She was the youngest baby my Grandpa ever held, including their own.

Goofing off with Ang at my bridal shower, March 2006

Grandma & Grandpa would come to go to our fair with us so we could show off our 4-H projects.  Grandma would always sneak us money for an extra elephant ear and my Mom would always be shocked as to where it came from.  If they couldn't make a fair visit then Grandma would send extra birthday money for me to buy the extra elephant ear.

Growing up we'd usually visit them once a month, on a Sunday.  Us girls would play in the basement and Grandma would always re-put away all the toys because we never got it just right.  Some of my favorite visits were when I started to go on my own or with just a few other people.  It was always nice to have some one-on-two time with them since the family functions were always loud (which is nice in a different way).  We'd talk about I don't even know what...Matt, jobs, life, my sisters, vacations, their growing up years, whatever came up.  We'd always play games and Grandma would feed me more sweets than I needed (ice cream always, usually cookies or brownies) or even just snacks.  One time I was visiting them on my way home from seeing a college friend in Dayton and Grandma made a full supper for me, mashed potatoes even because she knew they were my favorite.  Those visits were always very special ones.  I always left so happy and feeling so loved.

My Grandma & I at my bridal shower

Starting many years ago I'd call them on their birthdays and their wedding anniversary.  I think it was 3 years ago on our wedding anniversary Grandma called me to say happy anniversary.  I was at work and didn't see the call until later but I kept the voicemail until I switched to my iPhone and it wouldn't transfer (really really wish I had figured out a way to).  She was just calling to say happy anniversary since I always called them and she wanted to call me too.  Little things like that were so touching to be remembered, especially as they got older.

My aunt told me a story that on Easter (when Luke was 2 days old) she was helping Grandma & Grandpa update their newspaper announcement for their upcoming 65th anniversary using their 60th anniversary announcement.  Grandpa kept insisting that they had 10 great grandchildren instead of 9.  They did because Luke was born but nobody knew he was ours yet.  I told my aunt that if God told anyone else we were getting a baby I completely believe it would be Grandma & Grandpa.   Every time I saw them or called them between when they knew we were adopting until we got Luke they would always ask about it, if we got our baby yet.  That they remembered that with all the grandkids to keep straight was really touching.

Meeting baby Luke, June 12, 2013

When I called to tell them we got Luke they were so excited that they called my mom afterwards, something she says they never did!  My Mom and I took Luke to meet them this summer and they both got to hold him.  Luke even rolled over for the first time at their house!  I am so glad Grandma was able to see me become a mom and meet our first child.



Saying Goodbye 

The last time I saw Grandma was 4 weeks ago, 3 weeks before she died.  We had just stopped briefly after a baby shower to say hi.  We probably only spent 20 minutes there but her and Grandpa both got to hold Luke and we got a 4 generation picture.  The last things I said to Grandma was "I love you" and she asked me to pray for her.  I told her that I always do.

The last time I saw Grandma

Matt & I had another trip planned to go back, 2 weeks ago, but she wasn't having a good day that day. I knew if we went it would be for me, not for Grandma and we decided we didn't want to do anything to lessen the time she had left.  I'm glad that the last time I did see her she was still mostly herself, that she was able to interact with Luke. 


Grandma died peacefully at home, surrounded by her husband, 6 kids, and a priest (who happened to be riding his bike past their house just as they were calling the rectory).  She lived to be 88 years old with 6 kids, 23 grandkids, and 11 great grandkids.  If you have to go, that's the way to do it.

We knew that the time was coming but no matter how much I prepared myself for it, it was still really hard to get that call from my parents.  I was lucky enough that my sister and I just happened to have scheduled a playdate for the day she died and we were together when we got our calls.  We spent the afternoon sharing memories of Grandma and how important she has been to our lives.  The 3 days between that phone call and her funeral have been probably the most emotional of my life. 

The evening of the day she died and into the next day so many of my sisters and cousins changed their Facebook profile pictures to ones of them with Grandma & Grandpa.  A lot of pictures with smiling brides & grooms or proud new graduates.  My feed was filled with notifications of everyone liking each others' pictures.  It was a really touching tribute to Grandma and made me feel the family love even though we are scattered. 

Grandma & Grandpa with almost all the cousins, spouses, and great grandkids at my sister's wedding June 2012

The time we spent saying goodbye was very tough but the best part was being around family; the people who knew her like I did.  By my best count there were 60 family members there.  At the viewings, prayers, the funeral, the cemetery, and everything in between, we went through this all together.  I spent the first showing mostly talking with my cousins and watching the video of pictures my aunt had put together.  It was so fun to see pictures of my Grandma when she was young, then as a Mom to our parents, and then as a Grandma with us.  We shared lots of memories, hugs, stories, and tears and it's been absolutely wonderful.  The best way to memorialize and remember Grandma is by all being together.  She loved being a mom, grandma, and great grandma and she was good at it.

Almost the entire family at my sister's wedding in 2009

At the viewings we kept telling each other we couldn't talk to Grandpa because if we did we'd lose it and then everyone else would be gone.  The line was very long at both viewings I was at but my sister and I saw my Grandpa had a break and snuck up to talk to him.  He's always been a very strong person but talking to him made me break immediately.  He took us to see Grandma and kept telling us how beautiful she was; as beautiful as the day he met her some 75 years earlier.  He told us how she's at peace now and feeling so much better than she had a week ago.  Talking with him pretty much completely broke me, so much that he was comforting me when I should have been comforting him.

A visit with Grandma & Grandpa in March 2011

Both evenings we ended viewings with family prayer.  At that point in the night it was just the family left - Grandpa, aunts, uncles, cousins, spouses.  It was incredibly special (and emotional) to all be around her casket, praying together.  Those moments are some of my favorite memories with the family ever.

She got a beautiful funeral on a perfect day.  It was a sunny and beautiful day outside.  The church was pretty full inside.  I felt very honored when I was asked to do a reading at her service (all of us grandkids did something).  When my Mom called to tell me the readings picked she gave me a choice.  As soon as I looked up the first in my Bible I knew I had to do this one.  I don't know when I underlined and made the comments but it was for right now, when I needed it.  The only song I remember singing is "How Great Thou Art" which, I think, my Mom said was one Grandma had picked herself.  My sister remarked at how moving of a moment it was to hear the beautiful church filled with voices singing that song.  Grandma would have been smiling down from above.

Grandma & Grandpa taking a walk together May 2012

It was a wonderful day.  Highly emotional and very tough but a wonderful day. Made me so thankful to have been a part of her life and to be a part of this family.


What I will take away from the first days following her passing are many special moments with my Grandpa, lots and lots of hugs and tears shared with my cousins, prayers with the whole family, and a wonderful feeling of closeness to every single member of the family. They say you can't pick your family but even if I could I wouldn't want a different one in any way.  They are amazing, wonderful, and caring people. 


In Grandma's Memory

Now that she's gone I have a few items to remember her by along with all my memories.  To her funeral I wore 2 items that were hers.  When I'd visit in later years, she'd always tell me to take something, she hated having extra stuff (I must get it from her).  She made this black jacket many years ago, my Mom and aunts remember her wearing it.  It was in her dress up for years before I brought it here and now I wear it A LOT.  (see Luke's baptism, a cousin's wedding, my sister's graduation, and the last time I saw Grandma above)  And the bracelet was also hers that ended up in the dress-up.  I've never wore it besides dress-up but the funeral seemed appropriate.

Grandma & Grandpa collected these little farmer figurines.  I don't know if they purposely got enough for all the grandkids or it just happened that way but years ago we all got to "dib" one.  They were sitting out at their house and Grandma wrote our name on the bottom of ours.  I never remembered which one was mine, usually having to pick up a few to figure it out.  I don't think any of us thought we'd get them before they both died but then for Christmas about 10 years ago Grandma wrapped them all up for us.  It was surprising but also a nice memento of Grandma & Grandpa sitting on my desk every day.  It is probably one of my most treasured possessions.

The last thing I have from Grandma is THE dress.  I don't know if Grandma made it or who did (it was homemade) but Grandma wore it in a wedding some 70 years ago.  It was the ultimate dress-up dress because of how well it twirled and it was long and fun and great.  All of us granddaughters wore it at some point.  It never fit us until we were high school/college age but that didn't stop us from trying.  4 years ago when I was visiting Grandma she told me to take it.  It's not something I could just ask for and I don't know how she decided it should go to me but it's another of my favorite things. 

playing dress-up at Grandma & Grandpa's in 2004

On the picture boards at the funeral home there was a picture of Grandma in THE dress.  I was talking to a cousin and saw it over her shoulder and got really excited.  Grandma would always tell us how it was raining the day she wore it and had to pull it over her head to keep her hair dry (something we all probably tried a few times too).  Very special to have this from Grandma.  Probably more so that I got it years ago when she could give it to me.


Grandma's legacy

At the funeral mass the priest talked about how much impact one little farm girl can have judging by the packed family pews.  He said that you don't need to have a big life and great accomplishments to make a difference and my Grandma is proof of that.  To any outsider she was nothing special, she had no great accomplishments or awards.  But to our family she meant a great deal.  Her and my Grandpa made quite a large family and we all even like each other!  I think it speaks very well of my Grandparents that we are a close family.   

The priest talked about how we are her legacy, her family.  What Grandma loved was being a mom, grandma, and great-grandma.  She taught me a lot about faith, love, and the importance of family.  She taught me that calories don't count on your birthday or at her house, that you can never have too many desserts, and that ice cream toppings are called dope.

Grandma & Grandpa at a cousin's wedding in August 2005

I think the greatest thing I will take away from my time with my Grandma is the love between her and Grandpa.  They were married over 65 years!  At the viewings Grandpa still never left her side and told a lot of us grandkids how beautiful she still was.  Watching them care for each other in later years, how they interacted when we'd play games, call each other out on bad plays.  I told Matt that I hope we can be married 65 years and still love each other that much.


I miss her.  The way she'd say "Now Bounce!" when Grandpa would go out too early for her in Five Crowns.  How she'd say "yella" for yellow and "warsh" for wash.  How she'd ask me "So. What else is new?" when I'd visit.  I'll miss just having her around 

Me with Grandma & Grandpa at one of my sister's weddings in June 2009

Even after all this it's hard to believe that she really is gone.  I haven't removed her from my prayer list and still call it "Grandma & Grandpa's" house.  She's been a big part of my life, for my whole life. 
_______________________________________________________
 

For it matters not, how much we own,
the cars…the house…the cash
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

 Grandma taught me a lot about loving and living. She spent her "dash" well.  Showed me the importance of family.  She was a beautiful woman, inside and out.  In the 30 years that I knew her, I never heard her have the slightest mean thing to say about anyone.  She had a great faith in God and prayer. 

I love you, Grandma.  I hope you are looking down on us and smiling.  I hope you keep up your prayers for all of us from heaven because I know I at least will need them.  I will think of you, love you, and miss you the rest of my life.  Until we meet again...  xoxo

the day I graduated college, May 2005