Over three months ago my husband went to a meeting at church. I put the boys to bed while he was gone and then was scrolling Instagram. I sent him a screen shot of a letterboard that said something along the lines of "All parents want is for their kids to go to sleep so they can watch tv shows with bad words and eat the hidden snacks." (This is pretty accurate.)
Then Matt came home from the meeting and told me he wanted to do a 90 day program where he basically had to give up all screens, fast between meals, workout for an hour a day, and take cold showers (among other things). My first reaction: "Did you not just see my text???"
We had long been in routine of watching an episode of a show together in the evening, most nights, after the kids were in bed. Often chasing Luke back to bed at least once. And after a few months of not really knowing what to watch a bunch of shows were just coming back with new episodes or we found new ones to watch and it felt like we had a plethora of choices! And now he wanted to give up screens for 90 days? This was mid-January and Easter (when it ended) felt like FOREVER away.
I was not the most supportive spouse.
To be clear, he could still use screens for his job (duh) and could still text (I told him there was NO WAY he could give up texting his wife for 90 days, especially since half our texts are logistical/scheduling stuff), check the weather, use the library app to check out books, etc. Fairly necessary stuff.
It was really hard to think about not having that tv time together most evenings. We also were doing weekly movie nights with Luke (most weeks) and Sunday Wii evenings before bed. Now all that would be gone until Easter (which, again, felt forever away).
I was mostly concerned with how this would affect me, which is also what this post is about. There were a lot of other requirements of this program and most, relating to diet, exercise, and private prayer, didn't affect me much so they aren't my story to tell. I have PLENTY of thoughts on the whole program but I'm not trying to convince anyone to do it or not so this isn't the place for my critical review, which, again, only affected me in parts.
We had less than a week until his 90 days started so we prioritized which shows we were going to wrap up so we didn't leave off in any weird spots. Then he started his 90 days.
(The cold showers started on our coldest week of the winter - when morning wind chills were around -40°. So, super fun.)
It was a tough transition, which sounded weird, even then. Watching tv together wasn't even that big a part of our day - maybe 25 minutes, but it felt like it changed a lot.
There were weeks where we just procrastinated getting the boys to bed because we weren't in a rush to get in show (especially during the ~10 sick and snow days off school Luke had during this time).
Then there were plenty of nights we were both in bed before 8:30 because we couldn't watch tv so might as well go to bed!
Matt finished two books within the first month of the program. I thought I would get more time to read but somehow don't feel like I made huge progress on my reading lists. Maybe it just gave me more time to putter around during the day since I knew I'd get more reading time in the evenings?
In the beginning we were playing more board and card games, just the two of us but then that kinda petered off after awhile. It certainly took more energy to get out a board game instead of just vegging in front of the tv.
We probably made more social plans than we usually do in the winter (when we typically hibernate and are fine with that!) because we couldn't watch movies at home after the boys were in bed so we weren't missing out on anything by not being home!
I was still watching some tv, mostly on in the background when I was working from home during Sam's naps (when I've done all my Grey's Anatomy catching up, except that I am 4 episodes behind, again.) I watched a couple movies on a few evenings I was home with just a sleeping Sam but my overall tv watching was certainly reduced. And I was still on social media and reading blogs, which Matt never was anyways so that didn't affect him.
Matt was allowed one indulgence on Sundays which he was encouraged to NOT be screen time...but that's what it usually was. During Sam's Sunday afternoon nap Matt and Luke would usually play a Lego video games on the Wii and then Matt and I would catch up on Brooklyn Nine-Nine after the boys were in bed. It's the only show we stayed current on in the 90 days! He also watched the Superbowl (which was on a Sunday so it counted for that day's indulgence). I told him it was a good thing this wasn't a Winter Olympics year, we typically watch A LOT of Olympic coverage.
A couple weeks before Easter we really started to talk about how the program changed us and what we want to keep up. Because as much as I was grouchy about it back in January, I could see some real improvements and changes in our family life.
We had more patience with the boys at bedtime since they weren't interrupting our screen time.
We were playing a lot more card games with Luke, multiple times a day over spring break, sick days, and weekends. Some of it is age but he's also a lot better at playing (and sometimes beating us) than he was in January!
We were in a much better bedtime routine, most nights having lights off by 10 (my pre-kids self would be shocked by this).
Matt was in a steady morning workout routine, when he didn't have to be to work at 5:30am, which made my morning workouts more consistent, since we were both getting up at the same time to do them.
Our pre-school mornings with the boys got better since we both wanted to fit in workouts and showers, only having one shower, so often the boys were both up eating breakfast before 7 which made getting out the door on time for school so much easier. (That seems counter-intuitive, since we had more to squeeze in between 6-7:30 but having a pretty rigid schedule made it easier.)
Overall we communicated more and had more patience and spent more time together as a family, not in front of the tv. And I wouldn't have even said we were watching much tv back before this all started!
Matt and I decided we'll probably only watch a show in the evenings 2-3 times a week and maybe one movie on the weekend. We want to try to alternate Friday family movie nights with Sunday family Wii night. But we also want to keep up the better bedtimes and mornings. We want to keep playing cards with Luke.
As grouchy as I was in January about all of this (and more than a few times during it), I knew it would be better for our family in the end. And it really was. I don't know that we would have had the discipline to keep it up if Matt wasn't committed to the program so as much as parts of it were a giant pain (again, more to him than me!), I am glad he did it.
I don't think every family needs to or should take 90 days off of screens but I am happy with the results of it for us. Except now Matt is talking about doing a family version next year and I'm already leery at the thought of myself completely giving up screens for 90 days. But that does sound better than cold showers in January.
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