What Grandma has taught me from heaven

It's now been just over two weeks since my Grandma passed away.  I think about her constantly and wonder what she's doing in heaven (even though time is probably a completely different thing there).  It's still very surreal that she is gone and I don't think it's fully sunk in yet.  I don't know how long it will take for that.

What her death has taught me (so far) is what a wonderful gift it is to grow old.  She lived to be 88 and see our family grow so much.  Isn't that a great thing?  Don't we all hope to die at an old age, peacefully at home, surrounded by family?  People (myself included) often complain about growing up and try to fight it or hold on to youth.  I'm all for taking care of yourself but there is a grace to growing old with dignity and accepting each new stage of life (something I am still working on).   I especially complained about my age this year, with turning 30.  It's a whole new decade!  But...there is only one alternative to growing old and I really don't want that one!!  It's a wonderful thing to grow up, it really is.  I hope to live to at least 88 and be married to Matt for 65 years.  That would be pretty incredible.

With my Grandparents for pre-school Grandparents' day in 1988

The other thing that's really sunk in for me over the last 2ish week is how final death really is.  I know, this should be obvious, but I never had anyone this close to me die.  It's final.  Final final.  I have her funeral card (what is the real name for those??) hanging on the fridge and see her dates of birth and death every time I am in there.  When you die that second date, the one you spend your whole life trying to keep far far away, is it.  It's one of the great unknowns in life, when you will die.  I just look at her dates and think about how we don't know when we will die.  We don't know what our second date will be or how far away it is but we do our darndest to avoid it.  It's just so...weird think about.  How that one date will be on her tombstone but it's not important, really, what's important is all the living that went on between those dates (like The Dash poem I linked to last week).

Just a lot of new things to think about in the past few weeks.