Non-news that is kinda big news

Probably not the big news everyone has been expecting from us (for a few years now...).  We've started the adoption process.  Kinda.  Actually kinda started a few weeks ago.  Really kinda started it about a week and a half ago when we finally got ahold of someone at Catholic Charities.  Our original intake meeting was scheduled for tonight but got postponed to next week.  She said she could answer any questions we had before hand.  Here is what we've come up with:

1) How soon can we get a baby
2) How much will this cost

Yep...that's pretty much it.  Then I started reading.  My usual preparation for anything is either researching on the internet (how I plan most of our vacations along with a good portion of the rest of our lives) or reading a book (how I planned Hawaii, prepping for TTC, coping with infertility).  I ordered 2 books last week and am about 1/2 through the first (along with reading a novel, a book on JPII, and a Great Britain book for our vacation).

The Adoption Decision - I started highlighting the super relevant information or things that really resonated with me and ended up highlighting most of 2 chapters.  The last few chapters were about older adoptions and international adoptions (neither of which should apply to us) but a lot of the other chapters were very useful.  I don't think we knew what we were getting into when we decided to pursue this, actually I know we didn't know what we were getting into.  This book is making it more real and also scaring me a little.  There are a few chapters especially I may pass along to family to read.  Just so people kinda understand what's going on.

It's going to be scary as crap to actually tell people about this but also a relief.  We've been keeping all this in for awhile now (besides all the doctors) and sometimes the comments we get can be very hard to take.  I think we're ready to share.

We know it's going to be a long, hard road to expanding our family.  It's something we've wanted for years.  Years.  Anyone who says this is the "easy" way of having kids doesn't get it.  This whole infertility/adoption is the hardest thing I've been through in my entire life (and we've barely started).  You can't say this is "easy" unless you've been through it.  Yes, you can point out we don't know what pregnancy is like either (and thank you for rubbing that in) but I'd gladly be pregnant.  Really.

That's enough depressing thoughts for now.  Some days it's all just harder than others.