Trying to anticipate some of the questions we might be getting...
Q: What if we get pregnant?
A: That was one of the first questions I asked our social worker. It depends on at what point in the process it happens. It's up to us if we'd like to continue and our application could be put on hold. We'd have to redo the time sensitive tests - background checks, medical checks, but our home study and all the other paperwork would still be ok.
We'd be thrilled to get pregnant (although, we've redone some of our medical tests recently and know it's still not likely) but I'd almost rather get pregnant now after adopting. I feel like our best shot at adoption is if we're childless. It seems like we'd be less likely to be chosen if we had recently had a baby of our own (that's just my opinion).
The one thing I've been learning through all this is that God goes by His plan, not mine (oh such a tough lesson to learn). We'll take whatever children He decides to bless us with. =)
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Piles of paperwork
Yesterday we started on our adoption paperwork. Got some of the easy ones out of the way - names, birth dates, signatures. We both have to work on our "family information guide" but that's the biggest one we have left besides the autobiography. That has 46 (I counted) topics we are supposed to include. This is looking to be at least a 10 page paper. That one's intense. We also need to start pulling some documents from our files:
-marriage license
-birth certificates
-proof of health insurance
-proof of life insurance
-proof of auto insurance
-copy of 1st two pages of 1040
-copy of driver licenses
We need to get employment verifications, a pastor's recommendation, and at least 4 references. We have forms to be notarized. We have to get finger printed, a health exam, and 2 different background checks. We have to take online parenting classes. Anyone who says this is the easy way....
I'm glad we've started on the paperwork, my "to scan and return" file had quite a few finished forms. A few of the others are mostly done. Really the worst part left is the autobiography. I never thought writing about myself would be so overwhelming.
Countdown to telling people...2 weeks.
-marriage license
-birth certificates
-proof of health insurance
-proof of life insurance
-proof of auto insurance
-copy of 1st two pages of 1040
-copy of driver licenses
We need to get employment verifications, a pastor's recommendation, and at least 4 references. We have forms to be notarized. We have to get finger printed, a health exam, and 2 different background checks. We have to take online parenting classes. Anyone who says this is the easy way....
I'm glad we've started on the paperwork, my "to scan and return" file had quite a few finished forms. A few of the others are mostly done. Really the worst part left is the autobiography. I never thought writing about myself would be so overwhelming.
Countdown to telling people...2 weeks.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Intake
Today we officially started the adoption process. Paid our first fee and got our packet of information. The packet is actually much smaller than I was expecting. I seriously thought we'd be getting half a ream of paper. It's maybe 50 sheets. Half of them are easy (sign this saying you don't have fire arms, sign this saying you won't abuse the kid, etc.). The only one that really is overwhelming is where we each have to write a detailed essay about ourselves. That one is a lot. We're letting it all stew for a few days and are going to go through it all together this weekend. Get the easy ones out of the way and read through the harder ones so we can start thinking about it.
We have approximately 60 days to get everything filled out and returned to them. Once they see we have all that done then we schedule a home study. The social worker (I guess that's what you call her?) will come to our house and interview us each separately about our lives, each other, basically everything. We'll show her we have smoke detectors and fire extinguishers, show her the room that will be the baby's. That meeting usually lasts about 2 hours.
After that visit we are interviewed together again at their office. Then she has 60 days to compile our official home study visit report. During that time we work on a profile of us. Basically try to sell ourselves to birth parents. She let us look at some, they were about the size of a church bulletin, printed in color, talking about the couple with pictures. She said that profile can be what stresses people out the most. This is how birth parents know us and decide if they want us. A little overwhelming. And after all this work it can be little things that they decide on. She said one mom picked a couple because the like the Colts, one was because they had a dog, one was because they played guitar. It's scary/hard/overhauling to figure out what could make people like or dislike us.
Once the official report is done and we have our profile printed, we are on the official waiting list. This could all happen by mid July. There are currently 9 people on their waiting list and last year they placed 8 babies. We could be waiting months or years.
Right now I'm excited about it all. It's very easy to focus on the negative - that we can't have kids - and that's kinda been my thought process for the last few weeks. I'm going to do my best to focus on the positive - somehow we are going to get a baby, expand our family. We're going to do it.
On the plus side, it doesn't seem like it'll be as much as we were expecting. After all the basic fees they charge a set percent of your gross income with a minimum and maximum. We'll end up paying on the low end of what we thought. That was a nice surprise.
The other big thing we talked about tonight is when we finally tell people. I originally wanted to wait until all the paperwork was in but we need references so that can't wait. I think we decided in 3 weeks. This week is too soon, the next weekend we're skiing, and the weekend after is my sister's bridal shower plus I will just be recovering from surgery. It really will be a relief to share.
We have approximately 60 days to get everything filled out and returned to them. Once they see we have all that done then we schedule a home study. The social worker (I guess that's what you call her?) will come to our house and interview us each separately about our lives, each other, basically everything. We'll show her we have smoke detectors and fire extinguishers, show her the room that will be the baby's. That meeting usually lasts about 2 hours.
After that visit we are interviewed together again at their office. Then she has 60 days to compile our official home study visit report. During that time we work on a profile of us. Basically try to sell ourselves to birth parents. She let us look at some, they were about the size of a church bulletin, printed in color, talking about the couple with pictures. She said that profile can be what stresses people out the most. This is how birth parents know us and decide if they want us. A little overwhelming. And after all this work it can be little things that they decide on. She said one mom picked a couple because the like the Colts, one was because they had a dog, one was because they played guitar. It's scary/hard/overhauling to figure out what could make people like or dislike us.
Once the official report is done and we have our profile printed, we are on the official waiting list. This could all happen by mid July. There are currently 9 people on their waiting list and last year they placed 8 babies. We could be waiting months or years.
Right now I'm excited about it all. It's very easy to focus on the negative - that we can't have kids - and that's kinda been my thought process for the last few weeks. I'm going to do my best to focus on the positive - somehow we are going to get a baby, expand our family. We're going to do it.
On the plus side, it doesn't seem like it'll be as much as we were expecting. After all the basic fees they charge a set percent of your gross income with a minimum and maximum. We'll end up paying on the low end of what we thought. That was a nice surprise.
The other big thing we talked about tonight is when we finally tell people. I originally wanted to wait until all the paperwork was in but we need references so that can't wait. I think we decided in 3 weeks. This week is too soon, the next weekend we're skiing, and the weekend after is my sister's bridal shower plus I will just be recovering from surgery. It really will be a relief to share.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Non-news that is kinda big news
Probably not the big news everyone has been expecting from us (for a few years now...). We've started the adoption process. Kinda. Actually kinda started a few weeks ago. Really kinda started it about a week and a half ago when we finally got ahold of someone at Catholic Charities. Our original intake meeting was scheduled for tonight but got postponed to next week. She said she could answer any questions we had before hand. Here is what we've come up with:
1) How soon can we get a baby
2) How much will this cost
Yep...that's pretty much it. Then I started reading. My usual preparation for anything is either researching on the internet (how I plan most of our vacations along with a good portion of the rest of our lives) or reading a book (how I planned Hawaii, prepping for TTC, coping with infertility). I ordered 2 books last week and am about 1/2 through the first (along with reading a novel, a book on JPII, and a Great Britain book for our vacation).
The Adoption Decision - I started highlighting the super relevant information or things that really resonated with me and ended up highlighting most of 2 chapters. The last few chapters were about older adoptions and international adoptions (neither of which should apply to us) but a lot of the other chapters were very useful. I don't think we knew what we were getting into when we decided to pursue this, actually I know we didn't know what we were getting into. This book is making it more real and also scaring me a little. There are a few chapters especially I may pass along to family to read. Just so people kinda understand what's going on.
It's going to be scary as crap to actually tell people about this but also a relief. We've been keeping all this in for awhile now (besides all the doctors) and sometimes the comments we get can be very hard to take. I think we're ready to share.
We know it's going to be a long, hard road to expanding our family. It's something we've wanted for years. Years. Anyone who says this is the "easy" way of having kids doesn't get it. This whole infertility/adoption is the hardest thing I've been through in my entire life (and we've barely started). You can't say this is "easy" unless you've been through it. Yes, you can point out we don't know what pregnancy is like either (and thank you for rubbing that in) but I'd gladly be pregnant. Really.
That's enough depressing thoughts for now. Some days it's all just harder than others.
1) How soon can we get a baby
2) How much will this cost
Yep...that's pretty much it. Then I started reading. My usual preparation for anything is either researching on the internet (how I plan most of our vacations along with a good portion of the rest of our lives) or reading a book (how I planned Hawaii, prepping for TTC, coping with infertility). I ordered 2 books last week and am about 1/2 through the first (along with reading a novel, a book on JPII, and a Great Britain book for our vacation).
It's going to be scary as crap to actually tell people about this but also a relief. We've been keeping all this in for awhile now (besides all the doctors) and sometimes the comments we get can be very hard to take. I think we're ready to share.
We know it's going to be a long, hard road to expanding our family. It's something we've wanted for years. Years. Anyone who says this is the "easy" way of having kids doesn't get it. This whole infertility/adoption is the hardest thing I've been through in my entire life (and we've barely started). You can't say this is "easy" unless you've been through it. Yes, you can point out we don't know what pregnancy is like either (and thank you for rubbing that in) but I'd gladly be pregnant. Really.
That's enough depressing thoughts for now. Some days it's all just harder than others.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
2012 goals & resolutions
-bike 300 miles, run 100 miles (this may change depending on my ankle health)
-simplify our lives
-get rid of stuff. more stuff.
-try to shop local more often (aim: 20 local businesses, at least 5 in our neighborhood)
-remodel the bathroom
-finish 85 books
(copies over from a Facebook note, I never updated to see how I did although I know I read 85 books)
-simplify our lives
-get rid of stuff. more stuff.
-try to shop local more often (aim: 20 local businesses, at least 5 in our neighborhood)
-remodel the bathroom
-finish 85 books
(copies over from a Facebook note, I never updated to see how I did although I know I read 85 books)
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