2023 was, unexpectedly, a hard year for our family. The second half of the year, in particular, held a multitude of changes that just kept feeling like they were coming on after the other. The loss of my mother-in-law; Sam starting school ending my stay-at-home mom years; Matt going back to school; I picked up another part-time job; Luke picked up trumpet, serving at Mass, and is now in sports almost half the year. It was just a lot and some changes I feel like I am STILL adjusting too (it might be easier to adjust if the kids would have normal days of school in a row...we haven't had 2 solid full days in a row yet, 3 weeks in). But it's been a lot to take in.
With that in mind, I've been thinking about what my word of the year should be and then it hit me. Content. As in, being satisfied with life, not "blog content". Going into it, I expect this year to be a hard one, just with the simple fact that Matt will be in school all. dang. year. Plus, instead of having 2 days off to work on homework (and go on dates with me, help with school pick-up/drop-off AND be here to help with the boys' homework), he's now doing clinicals on those days meaning he has to fit in almost as much classwork as last fall but with less hours to do it. The last quarter of the year was A LOT of solo parenting on my part and I expect the same for almost the whole year this year. He's doing an intensive program that it taking a lot out of the whole family.
Then there is the whole turning 40 of it all (which also happened last year) and just the general life stage we are at with the boys' schedules and sports and on top of all of that...IT'S WINTER. (I hate being cold.) I knew, especially heading into January and February which would contain the bulk of the wrestling season, be cold, and the daylight so short (and so cloudy when the sun is up)...I needed to focus being content with life, even with all of it's challenges right now. Plus, I didn't realize how much Christmas was keeping my spirits up (the anticipation of it, planning for it, decorating, baking, shopping, wrapping, those 2+ weeks everyone was off) until I had to pack it all away about the same time everyone was headed back to school (maybe, sort of, when there isn't elearning). And now next Christmas is a really long time away.
It's so easy to dwell on the negative and what is going "wrong" in life. Does anyone get exactly what they expect? I am guessing not. I thought we'd have more kids, that I could handle all the schedules better, that homework wouldn't be the battle that it often turns out to be. I guess I just thought life would be easy? Hahaha. That's not the case for anyone. And there are things I can do to change my life circumstance but the biggest thing I can change is my own attitude. I can be content with where things are right now. Our boys are both still at home, at the same school together (I watch them walk up the stairs together every single day.). We are only dealing with ONE sports schedule (I was just telling Matt earlier today that the time will come when they might be doing the same sport but they will never overlap to be doing the same sport at the same school!).
It can still knock me over to realize what a miracle it even is that we are a family at all. How easily either of them could have been placed with other families or kept by their birth mothers. It feels like it beats all the odds that they are brothers at all and the thought of that makes me weepy and so glad with how life has turned out. (Even if one or both of them have shouted in the last week "I wish you weren't my brother!" Do all kids do that? I don't remember ever telling a sister that but maybe I did.)
When I think about it like that, it's a lot easier to be content with how my life is right now, even with all of it's challenges. I don't want to wish away the next 11 months until Matt is out of school. We've talked many times about how old the boys will be then, even though it's just a year away. Nearly 7 and 12. What the actual what. (I am NOT coping well with the idea of my baby being 6 soon.) The boys will still snuggle up with me for books (the snuggling doesn't happen every night but I make dang sure the books do!). Sam will still hold my hand to cross roads. They still need us, very much, in their day to day life (although, as an adult, I am constantly surprised at how much I need my own parents still).
There is a lot of goodness in spite of all the challenges right now, for this year. Matt's year of schooling will be worth it, eventually, when he has a better work situation, comes home less stressed and exhausted (he's gotten a taste of that life with his clinicals so far...his new job will give him time to go to the bathroom at work!). The boys won't be home forever, a fact I think of constantly. Maybe it's a stretch to be excited about this year but I can be content and just contentment is a great feeling. Being content might be the bare minimum I can reach this year but that will be enough.
2023: Adventure
2022: Fun
2021: Small
2020: Early
2019: Discipline
2018: Simplifying
2017: Grace
2016: Intentionally
2015: Curating
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