The adoption process

 
When we decided to adopt I knew very little about the process other than we hoped to have a baby in the end.  It's pretty much been a learn as we go process, even with all the books I've read on the topic.  With our finalization coming up I thought I'd summary how the whole process went for us.  Every agency is different and every state as their own laws, but it will generally be the same for most.  This is how it went for us:

Intake
We had an intake meeting with our social worker (SW) at Catholic Charities (CC).  We didn't know much about their adoption program but knew we wanted to work with them.  This meeting cost $100 so we were kinda committing from the outset.  We asked the SW a few questions (how many babies they place a year, how many couples are on their waiting list, how much would this cost etc.) and then got all our paperwork.  She filled out a basic info sheet about us to start our file (names, contact information, ages, etc.).  We were given 60 days to finish all the paperwork and have it back in.  This meeting was around Valentine's Day 2012.

Paperwork
We got all our paperwork done in 40 days (I was an invalid for part of this time) and then had to wait for CC to process all our background checks, our references to get those back, and our fingerprints and physicals to be sent back.  We turned it all in at the end of March 2012.

Home study
The dreaded home study.  By this point I had read a few adoption books and knew enough to be scared of the home study.  Even though everyone said it wasn't that bad.  Our first home study visit was at the CC offices and the SW asked us questions together.  The second one was the scary one: when she visited our home.  I super cleaned for weeks knowing it was coming.  Then recleaned.  I was nervous.  Turns out, she spent less than 5 minutes going through the house and didn't even look at the garage (something I was worried about).  It definitely wasn't nearly as bad as I built it up in my head. These meetings were in late April/early May 2012.

After this the SW wrote up a report using her 2 interviews with us and various paperwork we had submitted.  We have multiple copies of this and it's very strange to read someone else's summary of your life.  Very strange.  We had only met her 3 times at this point so almost a stranger.  But also exciting to pass this part!!  We got a letter shortly after the second visit saying we had been approved by CC and all they needed was our profile to start presenting us to birth moms.  Kinda felt like getting an A+ on our marriage. =)

Profile
These are different for every agency, even for the 2 we listed with here.  Our was the size of a normal church bulletin: 8X10 front, full spread on the inside, and 8X10 back.  Or 8 1/2x11.  I don't remember.  We were approved so fast that we barely had time to start this between the second visit and being approved.  We spent about 2 weeks working on it quite a bit.  Matt put it all together in photoshop.  We picked pictures, decided on a layout, and wrote the words together.  It was kinda fun working on it, deciding what the best parts of us and our relationship was to share.

We sent our SW a draft the day we left for Europe (late May 2012).  She had comments a few days later but there was nothing we could do until we were home in June.  She actually e-mailed us our first day in Ireland and asked us to call her.  We got really excited and had no idea what it could be about.  It took us awhile to figure out how to call her but finally got through to the CC offices about 24 hours later...only to have her out.  Through e-mail we found out that she had a potential baby coming soon and wanted us to get our profile in ASAP but, being in Ireland, there was nothing we could do about that.

Anyways.  We got home from Europe on a Saturday evening and by Tuesday evening we had printed copies of our profile that we were trimming, folding, and signing.  Thursday morning we had an e-mail from the SW saying we were all ready to be presented.  YAY!!!!!  From our intake meeting to being ready to be presented was just shy of 4 months.

Being presented
This was the beginning of the long wait for us.  We heard very little from the SW from the time we found out we were ready until we got the e-mail/text/calls about Luke 10 months later.  From our previous discussions with her here is how the process of picking an adoptive couple happens:

1) The birth mother contacts CC, either while still pregnant or after the baby's been born (our situation).  SW said they've had birth mothers as early as 6 weeks along up to a baby that's already a few weeks old.  The SW and birth mother discuss what sort of adoptive parents she has in mind: already have kids, no kids, etc.  Then the SW will go through her couples and pick ones that seem to match the criteria.  She will give the profiles for these couples to the birth mom to look at.  The birth mom does not see anything else in our file other than the equivilant of 4 pieces of paper about us,m mostly filled with pictures.  The profiles don't leave the CC office, birth mother has to look at them there.

(I keep saying birth mother because the birth fathers are very rarely involved, from what SW told us).

2) The birth mother may want to meet with multiple couples or just one.  She can pick a couple while still pregnant but will very rarely sign then .  If she is still pregnant the adoptive parents might go along to appointments and be there for the delivery, every situation is different.

If the baby is already here then birth mom has to wait at least 24 hour after birth (I think) and then can sign at any point.

3) What the birth mothers sign is a voluntary termination of her parental rights.  If there is a birth father in the picture he will sign the same.  Or if there are multiple potential birth fathers they all will sign.  SW said in many cases the birth fathers are more than willing to give up their rights and often don't have any input into selecting adoptive parents.  There is a punitive father registry that the agency has to file with.  Any potential fathers (that didn't sign) have 30 days from birth to make a claim on the child.  If any do a paternity test would be done before anyone could get custody.

Meeting baby/birth mother/etc.
This part is probably so completely different for everyone that there isn't much to say.  You probably already read my post about how this happened for us.

Initial signings
The birth mother signs the above mentioned voluntary termination.  We only had to sign 3 places each, so different from the stack of paperwork we did to be listed!  We signed:

"Motion for a Temporary Custody Order"
"Verified Petition for Adoption of Minor Child"
"Child Custody Affidavit"

We have copies of all of these...I was waaaay too emotional at the time to really pay much attention to what we were signing (the attorney did explain them), much less remember the names.

Post-placement visits
We had 2 post-placement visits with our social worker where she came to our house to ask us questions.  The first was when Matt was still on his paternity leave.  The second was about 2 months after Luke came home.  The visits were pretty easy.  And I definitely didn't overdo the cleaning like our home study visit a year ago!  We spent more time talking about what happens next than any offical questions.

Our social worker wrote up a report after these visits which was given to the attorney to be eventually presented to the judge at our finalization hearing.

Finalizaton

I've had a few people surprised that we still have to go to court and that the adoption isn't finalized.  While it certainly feels official to us, legally right now we are his legal guardians, not his parents.  His name is legally still Baby Male {birth last name}.  We didn't know how all this finalizing stuff worked until after Luke was already home with us (I said this has been a learn as you go process...)

When we go to court this week the attorney will present the judge with all the paperwork from CC and probably some official legal papers.  The judge will ask us some basic questions: name, address, employer, etc.  I think he asks if we think it is in the child's best interest to be with us.  Then he declares us a family!!!!!

We are given 15 minutes of court time but the actual hearing takes about 5.  Luke doesn't have to go but can (he is).  I think the birth family can go but generally don't (I have absolutely no idea if they will).  We get our picture taken with the judge and that's it!!

The attorney's office will file for his new birth certificate that will have his name as Luke James and us as his parents.  It'll be like I gave birth to him and he's always been ours.  And really, it feels so strange that there was ever a time that he wasn't ours.  

The closer we get to the court date the more emotional I get about it.  I cry just thinking about it now.  Even though it feels like we've been a family for almost 3 months it will still be so nice to have it official official.  I am so excited to go to court, probably the only situation where anyone is ever excited about it!!

Going Forward
It's never really been established how open of an adoption this is or how much contact we will have with the birth family going forward.  So far they have not reached out to the attorneys requesting contact or information about Luke.  The attorney advised us to wait until they do so.  We've been told the birth mother only wants letters and pictures once a year which we plan to do around his birthdays.  These will be sent to the attorney's office and then forwarded on.  I'll probably stress about that when the time comes but it's still months away right now.

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And to finish this...a picture of our baby being cute.  We've been putting him in the Johnny jump up a lot lately because he is doing so well with his head and he loves being up to see things!  We pack him in with blankets so he doesn't fall over.  He's finally getting the hang of jumping too!!  It's super super cute. =)