6+ weeks on crutches

I thought I'd write a nice post about how the 6 weeks on crutches was a nice break from our usual routine, helped me get back to what really matters (Luke) and how even though it sucked a lot of the time, there was a lot of good too.

But that's not happening because I'm still on crutches.  Kinda.  We went to the doctor on Wednesday and, after being there an hour and 45 minutes, I got the ok to start walking again.  Everything looks good, I don't have to do PT unless I want to, don't have to follow up anymore unless I feel it's needed.  Good.  Great.

Then I tried to walk.

It hurt.  A LOT.  More than any other pain since surgery.

So...I'm still on crutches, gradually putting more weight on my foot but still on the damn crutches.  Still can't carry anything.  Still can't carry Luke.  Still can't go anywhere without help (besides work where I don't take Luke).  Still have problems on the stairs.  The same as before except more pain.  A lot more pain.

It sucks.  A lot.  I forgot that the worst part of recovery isn't the being laid up part, it's the learning how to walk again part.  Last time I was non-weight bearing for 3 1/2 weeks.  This time was almost double.  My leg has loss a lot of muscle.  My ankle is very tight.  The pain shoots up my leg every time I put more than minimal weight on it.

The only things I can do that I couldn't before is sleep without the boot on and shower (I can put my foot down enough to keep my balance).  Everything else I was looking forward to isn't happening yet.

Everyone says to be patient.  I know.  But it's really hard when I've been counting down to walking.  Literally. 

30 days to go, the day we scheduled the follow-up visit this week.

So.  I try to be patient.  I try to walk.  Keep not carrying, not going anywhere, trying to get Luke to come when he needs a new diaper or lunch or a nap.  I thought I'd be done with that now.