Fun is something I have not prioritized in my life in...awhile. Last week I wrote about how my word for 2022 is FUN which, shockingly, came to me before I read this book (although I knew I was going to read it and may have already had it checked out from the library). So it may have been inspired by just the idea of this book AND the book was a great launching off point for how to incorporate more fun in my year and hopefully life.
The Power of Fun: How to Feel Alive Again by Catherine Price is a much more scientific book than I expected it to be but the last half of it really shone with ideas and suggestions for having true fun. Kids have fun all the time, my kids laugh many more times a day than I do, it's something most of us lose as adults. AND there have been studies on this, hence the scientific part of the book, but, also, most adults can probably just figure out on their own that they've lost some of that fun from their lives. Something about full time jobs, households to run, countless responsibilities, and parenting can zap away most of our energy.
There are certainly periods in our lives when true fun is more possible than others. I don't remember having much energy for many things when each of the boys were newborns and I wasn't sleeping through the night for weeks on end. It's a lot easier to think about now as they are both potty trained and can do many things for themselves (I was telling Sam he doesn't need me anymore, after he made his own lunch (a piece of salami and a piece of cheese) one day. He assured me that he still does. "I can't drive a car!". I'm already just the driver.) If I don't sleep through the night it's more my own anxieties keeping me up (and as a mother AND the person who makes sure we don't run out of anything at home, there are plenty of those) than the kids (although a certain 3 year old here is still not a GREAT sleeper but he's back to sleep quicker than he was as an infant at least.). Anyways, this certainly feels more like a stage ripe for true fun than some past ones in our lives.
The author defines "true fun" as a combination of playfulness, connection, and flow. We'll call many things "fun" but are they true fun? I think of true fun as times I had given myself over to an experience and laughed a lot. And then I had to think a bit for some real examples in my life (a process that is much more detailed in the book.)
The first one I came up with was playing Frisbee with Matt, and the boys to some extent, when we are in a body of water calm enough to do so. I do not know why this is so fun to me because I rarely am throwing around a frisbee outside of the water. We've done it when at the Gulf (the Atlantic Ocean at Amelia Island was too wave-y, technical term) and at the lake in Alabama last summer, sometimes at the sandbar at the lake if we were there on a weekday. We aren't great at aiming so there is a lot of laughing as we dive and reach for the frisbee and playful yelling when either of us have to stray too far from our spot to retrieve it. Nothing really matters besides making sure our kids are safe in the water and catching that darn orange frisbee. It's true fun.
The next one that came to mind was when we kayak/canoe the Pigeon with a whole lot of Matt's family, every summer for the past 3. We have a huge (30?) group of people and so many kayaks and canoes. A lot of people tip which leads to a lot of laughing and just pure joy. It's an exhausting day, for sure, last year we did 8 miles and the whole process of getting cars and canoes/kayaks to and from each end takes A LOT of work. BUT, those first 3ish hours on the river are real, true, fun. Our boys LOVE this, even though Sam has slept part of every year (must be relaxing!).
And the final example that came to mind was our annual Easter Egg hunt at my parents'. We split into teams, split up all the couples and keep Matt and another BIL (the only 2 adults who will climb trees to put eggs in ridiculous places) separate. When the weather is good, one team takes the front yard and one the back and then we hide. The kids are getting big enough to do some good hiding and finding themselves and it's always impressive to see what new spots anyone comes up with. Although last year I believe one of my BILs just chucked an egg in a tree and it stuck rather high up. We never find all the eggs and my parents stumble across some months later. It's always a fun time with lots of laughing.
The author points out that when she tasked her study participants to come up with times of true fun, the vast majority listed times that involved other people. All of my examples did. That really got me thinking. It's well documented here that I really prefer reading as my recharge time of choice. I read A LOT and it do get twitchy and anxious and just generally a mess if I don't get in some of that precious downtime by mid-day. But, I generally wouldn't call reading "fun". I enjoy it and it's good for my brain and I learn a lot...but it's rarely making me laugh out loud. The same with puzzles, which I am currently in the middle of doing a lot of (one at a time but I am on my seventh since Christmas). It's relaxing and recharging and cozy but it's not FUN. Both activities enjoyable but not fun.
So what do I do for true fun other than my examples above, none of which are activities that I can easily incorporate into my daily life? This book gave me A LOT of ideas (and if you are related to me and living in the same city...yes, I WILL be trying to rope you into some of them). In fact, I found my mind wandering often as I was reading because I was just thinking of all the fun I am not currently having and all the fun I can add to our lives. I'm thinking hosting some game nights and doing the long considered but never done obstacle course at the boys' birthday party. Real fun might push us out of comfort zone (which for me is 72°, a comfy chair, and a good book) but it also makes real lasting memories along with real fun. And even if things go wrong, those are the times that often make the BEST memories (I swear at least 60% of our favorite vacation stories to tell are the ones where things went poorly...usually more fun in the retelling than in the moment).
My life is probably not going to be non-stop true fun but I can certainly work towards incorporating more moments into my life. Starting small, always small, but then maybe we'll get hooked on having fun and need to keep adding more? Hopefully! These precious years we have with our boys at home, especially until they are driving and have more autonomy, we need to capitalize on them. And there are few things better as a family than real, honest, fun. And this book helped show me the way.
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