Book Love: Reading People & The Four Tendencies

I've been listening to podcasts for awhile now and the hosts of two of my favorites, What Should I Read Next? and Happier with Gretchen Rubin, both had personality books come out last month.  I like the (occasional) random "What kind of cheese?" are you quiz as much as the next person (assuming that next person doesn't like them a whole lot) but I've never put much time or effort into "typing" myself.  I don't know my Myers-Briggs letters, I had no idea what an Enneagram was, it's not something I had much of an interest in.

BUT...then after months of hearing about their books I was slowly worn down and reserved both at my library.  I picked them up the same day and read them almost back to back, so now I have all sorts of thoughts on the whole personality typing thing.  And definitely want to figure out some of my types.  And my husband's.  And my kid.  Would it be pushing it to get everyone I know to type themselves?  (I was pushing it at getting Matt...I know beyond that it's a lost cause.)

Reading People: How Seeing the World Through the Lens of Personality Changes Everything by Anne Bogel
I'm a big fan of Anne's podcast and blog, Modern Mrs. Darcy (where I link up my Quick Lits each month).  She usually has some interesting and helpful insights, beyond providing plenty of book recommendations.  Reading People is like a primer into nine different personality types, adding some of her real life examples to their benefits.

I figured out I'm probably a highly sensitive person, introvert that might be an ISFJ, Guardian, with the cognitive functions SiFeTiNe.

That might sound like a lot of gibberish (and I had to do a lot of book referencing and flipping to get all those right).  And that's only typing myself on five of the nine systems in the book.

I didn't take any of the type quizzes before reading (and as of writing this I still haven't) but reading through some of the descriptions made my type pretty obvious.  For instant, Guardians are described in part as: 

They are creatures of habit who love their routines. ..... They love facts and are good at remembering details: names, birthdays, anniversaries, social events

Ummm...yes.  My mental birthday calendar numbers over 100 people and I LOVE routine.  (And a spreadsheet but that wasn't mentioned.)

It was reassuring to find that some of the things that I may have found odd about myself aren't really that odd, just maybe different than some/most people I know (although, I'd argue that most accountants can appreciate a good spreadsheet).

So what good is figuring out all my types besides feeling a little less alone in my nature?  It helped me appreciate some of why I am the way that I am.  It helped me see some potential strengths, weaknesses and how to maximize the first and work on the second.  And it gave me insight into some of these other types.  Even if I can't get anyone else I know to type themselves, it gave me a better understanding for how different we all are as humans.  Matt might know 5 dates outside of his own birthday but he certainly keeps me a little more spontaneous and less tied down to my beloved routines.

It would be pretty boring if we were all the same, or even if everyone in our house was the same.  I can definitely see a benefit to exploring some of these further but Reading People was a fantastic starting point.

And while Reading People was an overview of 9 different types,  The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People's Lives Better, Too) by Gretchen Rubin was an in-depth look at her one type.  She developed her system when writing Better than Before (all about habits, which I have read and enjoyed) and expanded upon it in this book.

This framework deals with how you respond to expectations.  Do you meet your personal expectations but resists outer expectations?  That's a Questioner.   Do you easily meet inner and outer expectations?  Upholder.

I think I am a OBLIGER/Upholder which means I meet outer expectations but struggle with inner expectations to some extent.  I like following rules (As a kid I always wanted to read the campground rule sheet as soon as we got to a new place.  I wanted to know all the rules before I got out of the car so I could be sure not to break them.)  I don't like letting people down but also need some sort of accountability to meet my own goals (even if it's in the form of apps I set-up on my phone).

This would explain why I like doing my seasonal clothes lists, even though I know nobody really cares if I stick with what I said I would buy, it helps me knowing I'll be accountable somewhere.  It's why I use an app to track my water consumption and knowing my running miles will be logged really helps me get out the door.

It's helped me figure out that I need some systems in place to better hold myself accountable for the things I want to get done.  Like having the computer off at 9:30 every night when I'm ALWAYS trying to squeeze in a little more blog work...it really helps if we make a rule that whoever turns off their computer last has to do the dishes.  Or something that we don't really want to do.

But the bigger benefits might be in better understanding how to motivate others.  Right now I'd say Luke is a Questioner, but that might just be the nature of a 4 year old (SO MANY questions).  It helps me give him a real answer instead of just "because I said so" or "because that's how it is".  I haven't figured out Matt's tendency yet but I have been thinking about it.  Maybe more than he would like.  Of course you want your wife to better figure out how to get you to do stuff, right???

I never paid much attention to different personality types before my recent readings of these books BUT I certainly see benefits now.  I like knowing why I am a certain way, my own motivations, how best to maximize myself, in many ways.  These books gave me good insights into that as well as others.  And there is a huge benefit in both.

Reading People by Anne Bogel
The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

Note: This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you click on one of the product links, I’ll receive a small commission.  Thanks for helping support this blog!