It was going to be impossible to top 2018 and we certainly didn't have any big life changes like last year. But a lot of LIFE still happened. It was a tough year for many reasons, starting with Sam forgetting how to sleep all night and making sure Matt and I frequently saw what 3am looks like. I have issues with school (see above for the post I want to write), I think we spent the whole month of March sick, it was just a hard year.
But there was good. Every Friday on Instagram I do a list of things currently making me happy, a practice I enjoy because, even in tough weeks, it really helps me focus on the things that are good. And when thinking about this year there is plenty of that, it just doesn't come to mind as quickly as all the sleep I will never get back. (I hear so often "oh I miss that!" when I'm out and about with Sam, I GUARANTEE nobody is missing getting a total of 7 hours of sleep over 2 nights. If you miss this, you are welcome to take an overnight shift.)
We did a vacation to Michigan, a trip I never blogged about but I FINALLY, so close, to finishing the photobook for (just have some writing and backgrounds left! Will I order before the end of the year? That remains to be seen). I started reading chapter books with Luke and we found quite a few that he likes. Matt, maybe, finished the playhouse (it's debatable if it will ever be done), and Sam is talking up a storm. Even "NO!" sounds so cute when coming from a toddler. (I will probably change my mind on that within a few months)
We spent weekends at the lake, a weekend camping with my extended family (cousins, aunts, uncles), we sold and bought (1/2) of a pontoon, we enjoyed being able to go on family bike rides and jet ski rides after we had to take off last summer with baby Sam. Luke lost his first teeth and spends hours playing Legos. He finished kindergarten and started 1st grade. We made a couple (2) drive-in trips and Matt and I, barely, squeezed in 4 dates (if we are being generous with the counting, WHICH I AM). I got to see the Backstreet Boys in concert (HOW did I get so far without mentioning that????), Luke can read me books and Sam learned to walk. Matt built a coffee table and is planning what to build next. I read a lot and Matt and I got to run (two) races together (one with both boys in the jogging stroller meant for one but it was fine.) Despite the rough moments, there was a lot of good in this year.
It's easy to mostly remember the bad moments - how it felt like we got out the door late for school every single morning and how I speedwalked to pick-up every day in the fall that my sister didn't come to walk with me. The struggles over 1st grade homework and Microsoft changing the folders so I can't easily find my pictures by tag which is still SUPER frustrating to me and annoying (I'm still working on it). And, of course, missing sleep.
I read fewer books to myself but the same number over all (thanks to counting chapter books with Luke! You read a whole chapter book out loud and tell me that doesn't count as reading). I worked more hours (not too hard when I basically took a month off last year for baby Sam), ran more (ditto), and was home A LOT (working around school pick-ups and a napping baby - LOTS of school year quiet time for me!).
It still makes me teary every week when we go to weekday Mass to see Luke and the moment when Luke & Sam finally see each other when going up to Communion and Sam gets a big smile for his brother - it's the best. They're playing more together and seeing them as brothers just fills my heart. Luke still enjoys getting to do bigger kid things without his little brother but they will also play together and Sam lights up with his big brother's (good) attention.
We got relisted for adoption this fall, a process that always takes more out of me and takes longer than I expect. We had our 9th (I think) home visit and made our 6th (I think) profile book. Had meetings, filled out paperwork, filled out more paperwork, submitted background checks, wrote a couple checks, and now here we are. We are expecting another 3-4 year wait but that also means we get to stay in this house longer! (As excited as we are for a #3, I also dread having to leave this house that we've put so much work into and lived so much life.)
I started this post the last week of school before Christmas which was a trying week for many reasons, in a season that can be more stressful than most. But now, in the final days of the year, when I am still aiming to finish 3 books to hit 175, after a week of pretty good sleep, having shared Christmas with so many dear people, it's easier to see how much good there is. How much we grew through trying (sleepless) times and how encouraging it is to know how much we can take and still keep going. It wasn't a perfect year or even a highly memorable one, but there is still plenty worth remembering. There is always good to be found. Even if it's something as mundane as free tacos (which is totally exciting).
Going into a new year, being listed for adoption, once again not knowing what the future holds - I remember that it's the years that go completely off plan (see: 2018) that end up being the most memorable. Our favorite vacation stories are always the ones we didn't see coming, from things going wrong. I LOVE to plan (can't overstate that enough) but I've learned to leave margin for the unexpected because that's where some of the best moments of my life have occurred.
I hope 2020 brings us a whole lot more sleeping through the night (reading back this post it feels I am obsessed with sleep, which I am, when I am not getting enough), more adventures, both the planned and unplanned variety. I really have no idea what life will look like when I sit down to write this post again in a year but we'll just keep going, keep looking for the good, and keep living. God's got this.
2018
2017 2016
2014
2013
2012
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