Wednesday, May 13, 2015

The interelated woes of my foot & adoption

Last week was a tough one. It's been 13+ months since we started the adoption process for our second child. 11 months since we were approved. 6 months officially listed.  As much as we may try to brace ourselves for a long wait, there is always the part of me that hopes we'll be the couple to get placed within weeks. It does happen, just not to us (apparently).

I've also started having foot and knee problems again, stuff that has been bothering me since after my first surgery.  I have cysts behind both knees, big enough that I can see them and very easily feel them.

Somehow, we always seem to be working on adoption stuff and foot things at the same time.  We found out I would be having my first surgery within days of our original intake that started the adoption process.  It was last May when we had our first physicals and fingerprints for adoption #2 as well as 4 appointments for my foot, one of those being the one where we found out about surgery #2.  We were listed with both our agencies shortly after my second time on crutches was over (and actually not too long after I started walking the first time too).  When I first had surgery and spent my recovering filling out adoption paperwork, I remember thinking that someday I'd have a healed foot and a baby and all that craziness would be behind us.  I ended up running for the first time post-surgery on, literally, the day Luke was born.  How weird is that??

Last week we had our fingerprints rescheduled (more than once) due to a machine problem, I had my annual physical (Matt's was this week), actually getting fingerprinted, and filling out our annual round of background checks. This is the 4th time we've done this fingerprint, physical, background check process, since our original ones expired right around the time we were being placed with Luke.  I also had two PT appointments, both of with Luke along.  In 10 days I will have had 7 doctor/PT visits. 

Most of it isn't a big deal but it feels like a lot to have on our plates at once.  The fingerprint place is in its 3rd location in 3 years (and this was the scariest yet). We have to get TB tests done and it's always a pain to go back and have those read. Doing a urine drug test isn't the most pleasant thing with a toddler in the same room.  There are fees with some of that (last year I got billed $40 for the 20 seconds it took a nurse to read my TB test when I could even tell I didn't have it) but we should get it all back with our next adoption credit, assuming we'll get a baby at some point. (Thank you, kind Americans!)  And Luke has gotten more comfortable hanging out at PT with me and he's no longer scared of the exercises I do at home. 

I keep telling myself that God's timing is best, I stare at evidence of that every single day (Luke, not a healed foot).  If things had gone "our" way Luke wouldn't be in our lives which is a very sobering thought.  I've never had to place such blind faith in God like I have the last 6 years.  Probably says something about how relatively easy my life has been but it's also been a really good lesson.

Last Thursday Luke and I left home before 8 to get fingerprinted, followed by 2 errands on our way to the doctor's for our physicals (Luke needs one too). Then 2 more stops before home at noon for a few hours (basically lunch and nap time) before before I had PT.  Since Matt went into work late so he could get fingerprinted we all ate breakfast together and I didn't read my morning devotional* until lunch.  It was the most perfect timing for how I had been feeling all week.

When I read that I felt a sudden calmness, as if an egg had been cracked on my head and was running down. We are doing what we need to do and have to leave the rest up to God. We pray many times a day for "next baby" and Luke has taken to talking about "Luke, mommy, daddy, baby".  But besides prayer and keeping our info current, there isn't much we can do besides wait and trust. Trust and wait.

Same with my foot.  I'm going to PT.  I'm doing my exercises at home.  I'm taking the pain meds.  I'm wearing a knee brace almost all my waking hours.   I'm doing what I can to finally walk like a normal person.

We're all given different struggles in life. I know this is all awfully petty compared to some. There's the old story about how you might complain about your cross but when you are given the option you realize yours is the smallest. God has always known and prepared us for this one. We don't understand it all now and maybe never will.  But it makes sense to Him and I'm learning to let that be enough. There are most definitely hard days and tough moments.  It would be nice to spread out the struggles a little, maybe.

Then there are also times I really think about what adding an infant will do to our schedule and routine...and I quickly realize I should enjoy just having one for now,  (Remembering all those nights of a screaming baby, the struggle to get Luke on a routine, working around two or three daily naps, AND having a toddler on top of that??).  We definitely still want more's just a good way to appreciate what we have now instead of focusing on what we don't. =)
*Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, highly recommend it!

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