Last week was a tough one. It's been 13+ months since we started the
adoption process for our second child. 11 months since we were approved. 6 months officially listed. As much as we may try to brace ourselves
for a long wait, there is always the part of me that hopes we'll be the
couple to get placed within weeks. It does happen, just not to us (apparently).
I've also started having foot and knee problems again, stuff that has been bothering me since after my first surgery. I have cysts behind both knees, big enough that I can see them and very easily feel them.
Somehow, we always seem to be working on adoption stuff and foot things at the same time. We found out I would be having my first surgery within days of our original intake that started the adoption process. It was last May when we had our first physicals and fingerprints for adoption #2 as well as 4 appointments for my foot, one of those being the one where we found out about surgery #2. We were listed with both our agencies shortly after my second time on crutches was over (and actually not too long after I started walking the first time too). When I first had surgery and spent my recovering filling out adoption paperwork, I remember thinking that someday I'd have a healed foot and a baby and all that craziness would be behind us. I ended up running for the first time post-surgery on, literally, the day Luke was born. How weird is that??
Last week we had our fingerprints rescheduled (more than once) due to a machine
problem, I had my annual physical (Matt's was this week), actually
getting fingerprinted, and filling out our annual round of background
checks. This is the 4th time we've done this fingerprint, physical,
background check process, since our original ones expired right around
the time we were being placed with Luke. I also had two PT appointments, both of with Luke along. In 10 days I will have had 7 doctor/PT visits.
Most of it isn't a big deal but it feels like a lot to have on our plates at once. The fingerprint place is in its 3rd
location in 3 years (and this was the scariest yet). We have to get TB
tests done and it's always a pain to go back and have those read. Doing a
urine drug test isn't the most pleasant thing with a toddler in the
same room. There are fees with some of that (last year I got billed $40
for the 20 seconds it took a nurse to read my TB test when I could even
tell I didn't have it) but we should get it all back with our next
adoption credit, assuming we'll get a baby at some point. (Thank you,
kind Americans!) And Luke has gotten more comfortable hanging out at PT with me and he's no longer scared of the exercises I do at home.
I keep telling myself that God's timing is best, I stare at evidence of
that every single day (Luke, not a healed foot). If things had gone "our" way Luke wouldn't be in
our lives which is a very sobering thought. I've never had to place
such blind faith in God like I have the last 6 years. Probably says
something about how relatively easy my life has been but it's also been a
really good lesson.
Last Thursday Luke and I left home before 8 to
get fingerprinted, followed by 2 errands on our way to the doctor's for
our physicals (Luke needs one too). Then 2 more stops before home at noon for a few hours (basically lunch and nap time) before before I had PT. Since Matt
went into work late so he could get fingerprinted we all ate breakfast
together and I didn't read my morning devotional* until lunch. It was
the most perfect timing for how I had been feeling all week.
When I read that I felt a sudden calmness, as if an egg had been cracked on my
head and was running down. We are doing what we need to do and have to
leave the rest up to God. We pray many times a day for "next baby" and
Luke has taken to talking about "Luke, mommy, daddy, baby". But besides prayer and keeping our info current,
there isn't much we can do besides wait and trust. Trust and wait.
Same with my foot. I'm going to PT. I'm doing my exercises at home. I'm taking the pain meds. I'm wearing a knee brace almost all my waking hours. I'm doing what I can to finally walk like a normal person.
We're all given different struggles in life. I know this is all awfully
petty compared to some. There's the old story about how you might
complain about your cross but when you are given the option you realize
yours is the smallest. God has always known and prepared us for this
one. We don't understand it all now and maybe never will. But it makes
sense to Him and I'm learning to let that be enough. There are most
definitely hard days and tough moments. It would be nice to spread out the struggles a little, maybe.
Then there are also times I really think about what adding an infant will do to our schedule and routine...and I quickly realize I should enjoy just having one for now, (Remembering all those nights of a screaming baby, the struggle to get Luke on a routine, working around two or three daily naps, AND having a toddler on top of that??). We definitely still want more kids...it's just a good way to appreciate what we have now instead of focusing on what we don't. =)
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*Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, highly recommend it!
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